Ballet

Tendue-ing Thespian: Sergei Polunin, Hollywood Hunk

sergeipolunin-missionimpossible

It seems that the tempestuous Sergei Polunin, will be the bad boy of ballet no more. According to the Russian media, he’s decided a change is in the wind and it’s blowing him in the direction of Hollywood, where he’s attempting to launch an acting career.

We dreamt up what some popular movies would be like if Mr. Polunin were starring in them.

sergeipolunin-missionimpossible
MISSION IMPOSSIBLE: GORKY PARK PROTOCOL: Sergei has to teach Tom Cruise how to use a Cyrillic keyboard during their aerial pilates class – but class ends in 15 minutes. Will Sergei be able to help Tom master a foreign alphabet in that time?

sergeipolunin-grandbudapesthotel
THE GRAND BUDAPEST HOTEL: Sergei checks into the swankiest hotel he can find (according to TripAdvisor reviews) in the Republic of Zubrowka. He’s under the impression that it’s Zubrowkas answer to Hollywood’s famous Chateau Marmont. However, upon arrival he finds the staff and guests of the hotel to be unbearably quirky. So he spends the rest of his trip snorting cocaine. (P.S we wouldn’t recommend that you do the same.)

sergeipolunin-frozen
FROZEN: Following his unfortunate hotel stay, Sergei feels that he needs to let it go, let it go. Because he can’t hold it back any more. He’s definitely turned away and slammed the door on Zubrowka.

sergeipolunin-mermaid
THE LITTLE MERMAID: Sergei falls in love with a red-headed half-fish half-human. He figures it is an upgrade to falling in love with someone who’s a swan by day and a human by night.

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THE HUNGER GAMES: CATCHING FOUETTES: Sergei faces his greatest test – it’s time for company weigh-ins.

sergeipolunin-wintersoldier
CAPTAIN UKRAINYA: After binge-watching the whole season of Agents of Shield and talking to his local comic-store dealer, Sergei decides that he wants more than to be a national hero. He wants to be a national superhero. After all, he’s better looking than all the Avengers assembled, even that Black Widow. And none of them can do a triple pirouette either.

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